Shadows of your sins do not appear in the dark.

For a while, I lived in the dark.

He came, and I only knew how to threw punches to the air.

He came and wrapped me with his love,

His smile was enough to light up my way.

He extended his own light to open up a path for me.

Just as it started to become so bright,

I look behind me to convey my gratitude,

To seep him sit there, drained, bruised, with half a smile.

His smile was enough to light up my way, but I realise

Why he couldn’t use that anymore; why he had to use another source of light.

In the dark, I couldn’t see where I was punching.

In the dark, I thought it was only air.

And he was the air that I was breathing- Oh.

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Always give them the benefit of the doubt…

I look into our past conversations,

And I feel like suffocating.

I wish I knew before, that the worst enemy

You can ever encounter

Is yourself. Your mind. Your eyes.

You play tricks on yourself.

And others get blamed for your blindness or your own manipulation to yourself.

And everyone suffers.

You tell yourself a story to justify your rage,

Your hurt, your feelings of betrayal,

When barely anything of that story is true.

The facts has been twisted for your own liking.

I look into our past conversations,

And I find my side of the story of how things went between us invalid and unclear.

No one broke me, and I definitely did not break anyone.

We blame each other for our pain,

As if it is easy for us to hurt others.

As if it only takes an instant and/or complete loss of emotions.

As if it is within a human’s nature and default to break someone.

It’s not.

It’s not easy to cause pain.

Just as it is not easy to break a human being who is born to be resilient.

To the 4th of November.

One stage of getting over someone you loved is when you start convincing yourself how it wasn’t love and that it was just an illusion.

That stage of denial and the shoving away of memories into boxes and hiding them under a pile of mess.

Whether it’s a right or wrong method, it helps sometimes, and it’s helping at the moment.

Farewell, Danny.

To the biggest sin of my life,

I have betrayed the promise you begged me to make.

But finally, I don’t feel like fighting my feelings anymore.

And I’m tired of giving him up to someone else.

So, before I place your book on the upper shelf,

I’ll say one more last goodbye,

And thank you for the pain and love I’ve received

You’re tugging my tail and pulling me to you.

When you kiss me,

The sensation hits a chord of confusion.

Shyness takes a hold of me,

Stopping me from looking at your eyes directly,

Afraid of confronting the lack of

Or the existence of intense feelings towards you,

Which forces me to find shelter in the uncertainty

That I’ve wrapped myself with in the past years.

Don’t tell me what’s on your mind.

Take me for a night drive.

We’ll take turns with the playlist.

We’ll listen in silence.

I’ll light us up a cigarette.

And we can drown in our own pollution

Of thoughts and smoke.