One stage of getting over someone you loved is when you start convincing yourself how it wasn’t love and that it was just an illusion.
That stage of denial and the shoving away of memories into boxes and hiding them under a pile of mess.
Whether it’s a right or wrong method, it helps sometimes, and it’s helping at the moment.
Take me for a night drive.
We’ll take turns with the playlist.
We’ll listen in silence.
I’ll light us up a cigarette.
And we can drown in our own pollution
Of thoughts and smoke.
I tell him my thoughts as they come,
He tells me don’t try to control it.
If I can punch him every time he misunderstood my intention,
Or every rhetorical question he’s answered,
It’ll be equal to the times he has interpreted me flawlessly.
And that’s probably why he’s special.
In case you’re all wondering like he did.
You’re right,
Life is short
The future is uncertain.
You know exactly what you want now.
We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant.
And I’m scared.
I’m scared things wont happen.
Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties.
Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in.
Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.
Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.
Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.
Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence.
Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step.
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait.
And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.
I can barely battle distance right now.
I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me.
And I am terrified.
I am worried.
All I want is for everything to go as we want them,
Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble.
And I just want to remind you,
My sweet Demon;
I have always loved you.
And I will always love you
in this life,
the afterlife,
and in all the known
and unknown dimensions.
My cheeks are furious
And the tears slide down like
Ice melting on a warm surface.
I taste its salts
And I realise it tastes like you.
I never knew tears taste the same as the one who caused it.
There
That twitch of a smile.
When you remember those times
Of pure stupidity and foolishness of the past.
The kind of past that when mixed with the present
It urges you to hope
Rather than haunt you to misery
A history that you still have diaries about
That you couldn’t even burn their existence
Reminding you of some of the idiotic and childish mistakes,
That you’ll be protecting your kids from
The kind of mistakes that you spent hours laughing about yourself
After just reading the first page.
There it is again..
That twitch of a smile.
That reminded you of the sound of his laugh,
How it paired up perfectly with the opening of his mouth,
Showing his imperfect teeth,
That you just loved regardless.
That reminded you of his droopy eyes and full cheeks,
As they meet each other with that grin of his.
That reminded you of his smart ass attitude
That bad boy persona and dirty talk.
Yeah, always had a thing for trouble..
And there it goes again.
That twitch of a smile.
She could almost swear it was clear as glass how his soul protested as it left his body.
Was it expressing pain and agony for being attached to this simple body?
Was it being punished?
She did not know.
But she did know this much..
That it was the soul that felt.. Pain or happiness.
The soul that hosted this body.
The soul was what you referred to.. As dead or alive.
The body is what you referred to as ‘it‘, not the soul.
The soul is the master.
The body is the companion.
There is no living body without a soul.
Garout's Delusions 