Awake or Asleep..

I lay back, close my eyes, and float in the rhythm of my dreams..
And when once my dreams were an escape from reality..
Reality has come to haunt me to my bed,
As it has graved itself at the core of my subconscious.
Now I cannot tell between being awake or asleep..
The pain feels the same in both worlds..
The guilt tastes sour, choking me.
There is no relief, but heightened stress..
Drowning by my own misery, my own history.
Is there a writer out there..
Who could rewrite my yesterdays
And glamour them with sugar-coated lies?
Maybe I could be manipulated that all these dreams and reality
Are the stories of a character in a book..
A sad old dusty book.
That has nothing to do with me.
That I’m just a reader of my story.

Cibolo: Part 4

Emily Ballbach

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This place frees me.

Despite the broken branches and winter withered grass that match the condition of some my heart, burdens lay down on the rock terrain with each scattered step. Rock weights sitting on my soul go to the place they belong and weightlessness begins.

The Spirit in nature meets me without a cost. It requires no personal sacrifice other than open eyes to share its delight.

The river has been at a stand still for some time, leaving moss, leaves, and debris to settle on the surface, keeping me from seeing the depth below and my heart beats with empathy and camaraderie with the stagnant water. Downstream life bubbles up under tree roots and fallen limbs, barely springing up but still not done here yet. Again, my heart beats and head nods in understanding of my own stunted springs still bubbling up.

Mother trees fallen over have becomeā€¦

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Friends – Taking sides

I should have known that.
Should’ve known better
Than to leave her behind
Leaving her alone
To face.. My friends?
She was/is my friend too.
But she was silent.
She didn’t defend herself.
I guess she felt she didn’t need to
She felt right.
She shouldn’t need to
To justify something
She didn’t do.
Even if she did,
It’s not my business.
It was theirs.
They were both my friends.
Why did i need to take sides?

Don’t give up on me

It’s 2:48
And I’m looking at you.
Is that disappointment
coloring your face?
The judgemental look,
Glaring at me?
I watch your lips,
Waiting for a word..
Maybe two?
Narrowing my eyes,
Blinking hard.
You’re doing the same.
That’s it?
Aren’t you gonna teach me
.. A lesson?
Tell me what I did wrong
This time..
Like you always do?
Or does the mirror
Of one’s own reflection changes too?
My reflection. Exhausted?
Given up?
Given up.. On its master?
Did my actions
Kill the shadows of mine?
Am I that extreme?
Am I that unbearable?