Same battle, just a different day.

A year and a half ago,

They said everything will be alright.

It’s been a year and a half already,

And I’m anything but alright.

A stroke on the back

And a pat on the head

And a sentence full of lies; Everything will be okay,

Along with the last word “Eventually”,

Not telling you what the definition of “Eventually” is,

Or how long it takes for “Eventually” to come.

Or are “Eventually” and I not meant to meet.

So I learnt not to say that lie, which I thought was the truth,

I learnt not to say it to anyone.

It gives off a false hope.

Too much hope.

Hope that not everyone can handle,

including me,

Not for a pessimist like me.

Now let’s re-live the situation;

Where I tell you everything that has been bothering me,

Where I tell you I hate living because I’ve lost the will to live.

Then let’s skip the part where you judge me for being so negative,

Where you attempt to understand me and actually try to tell me that you do,

But maybe you refrain from stating another lie.

Then let’s skip the part where you decide that you could make Life seem so magical,

That there’s so much more in Life, and that I need to commit to it so it can show me how Grand reality can be if I give it another “Real” chance.

Let’s get to the part where you state your last words,

Will you still tell me

that Everything’s gonna be alright?

Tell me. Tell me how to live again.

I sometimes forget why we breathe.
Most of the time I’m not even aware that I’m alive.
I have lost the will to survive.
I think I’ve lost it ever since that time.
When I killed that part of me that possessed all the emotions so I can stop sinning the way I did,
I killed my survival, that attached itself to those emotions.
And even though they managed to be reborn, it wasn’t enough for a push of motivation.
I wish I could stop escaping reality.
I wish reality could be more appealing and lend me a hand
Rather than letting me go and flee again,
Wasting another precious day and night.
If only I could stop blaming everyone and everything,
Maybe I’d be able to do something about my wrecked future.