May I continue to be confused about you from afar?
May I want you thinking you don’t want me anymore?
May we continue pretending that everything we went through didn’t affect Us even though it did?
May you look at me with those kind eyes, that make me think for a second you might still long for me?
May I be that selfish person again around you, because I miss being spoilt by you?
May you ignore me and my selfish desires and be rid of confusion.
I want my wedding gown to be made of the sky and a million of stars.
I want my smile to be the brightest sunlight to my outfit.
I want my light to be reflected on his eyes and form two moons instead of one.
I want to embrace him and tell him, “that even in our darkest of days i will be there to make sure we make it through together”.
Ah, the curse of a breakup’s anniversary.
The time a human will reminisce
And revisit memories that were locked up in pandora’s box, commonly known as the subconscious.
Just when snapchat’s memories feature was about to lose its sting.
A moment that can be described as a hit from the ocean’s wave,
Filled with emotions that belonged to the past.
And the state of being currently wet from the salty water,
That refreshing feeling reminds you how the good times were… fulfilling, overwriting all the bad shit that went down,
But that saltiness fuels that regret of causing so much damage to him as you tried to heal yourself within your mind’s chaos.
Then the sun kindly dries you up, and its warmth hugs you all over,
Sending rays of reassurance and hope, that it’s okay to be alright, and that he’s better now.
The red string is thickening, and fate
Is cheering him on.
Don’t ask me how I feel about you,
Because the answer is the same.
I honestly don’t know.
I know that the way I view your personality
Has changed over the years,
Which makes it confusing for me to figure out my feelings.
I don’t think I’ll ever love myself wholeheartedly,
Because if I did, I would have accepted your love.
I never think I deserve that kind of admiration.
Maybe that’s why I can only chase behind those
Who can love me less than I do.
Don’t ask me if there’s any hope,
Because the answer is still the same.
I hope you’ll find someone better
Who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I feel like,
I can never allow myself to be with you
Because I think too highly of you.
And I think too little of myself.
There were times
I thought I could make it.
And there were times,
When I did.