She understands the feelings of her students, because she does not expect greatness from them. She can never understand the feelings of her own daughters, because she will always want perfection.
Life is short
The future is uncertain.
You know exactly what you want now.
We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant.
And I’m scared.
I’m scared things wont happen.
Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties.
Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in.
Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.
Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.
Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.
Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence.
Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step.
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait.
And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.
I can barely battle distance right now.
I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me.
And I am terrified.
I am worried.
All I want is for everything to go as we want them,
Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble.
And I just want to remind you,
My sweet Demon;
I have always loved you.
And I will always love you
in this life,
and in all the known
and unknown dimensions.
And when you see me leave the curtains open,
Then know that I want to be reminded of the sun’s warmth in the morning.
Black is turning into grey,
blending with colors of hope.
Pollution is being sucked out
to another world,
a world different from mine.
I sometimes forget why we breathe.
Most of the time I’m not even aware that I’m alive.
I have lost the will to survive.
I think I’ve lost it ever since that time.
When I killed that part of me that possessed all the emotions so I can stop sinning the way I did,
I killed my survival, that attached itself to those emotions.
And even though they managed to be reborn, it wasn’t enough for a push of motivation.
I wish I could stop escaping reality.
I wish reality could be more appealing and lend me a hand
Rather than letting me go and flee again,
Wasting another precious day and night.
If only I could stop blaming everyone and everything,
Maybe I’d be able to do something about my wrecked future.
And I imagine the spotlights as stars that are close enough for me to reach.
And if I ever get to sleep next to the man I love,
I’ll sleep for the first 30 seconds of each minute
And wake up at the last 30 seconds
During his sleeping hours
And sometimes when he’s awake,
So I can say I’ve slept and woken up too many times
And he was still there
As beautiful as the minute before.