I believe I am cursed with a rewind button.

Why am I confused all over again? It is as if I am destined to repeat history with every person I meet. My intention is not to play tug of war with your emotions. So, I think, I’d rather be quiet and keep my feelings to myself. If our story has not ended, and if I was committed to go past the obstacles I have in mind, then that time will come but far away in the future. For now, I am thankful you’ve allowed me to stay by your side.

A reminder

A long time ago
Before writing notes
In our phones
Became the norm
Over jotting things
On pieces of paper
I used to manually write
In specific notebooks
Or random papers
That I’d stick into
These notebooks.
I used to write
The date and time
And exactly how i felt
And what happened.
No matter how silly
Or how inappropriate
No matter how many times
I repeated that story
I wrote.
I drew.
I doodled.
I signed.
I did not write because
My emotions were
Overflowing.
It’s because
I had a problem
With my memory.
I tend to forget
And I come across
As ungrateful or indifferent.
So I wrote.
To remind myself how
I once felt
At a certain period
Of my life.
It is a reminder
Of how much I’ve changed.
How my priorities,
Have rearranged.
It reminds me
Why I did what I did
Back then,
That these were the emotions
Behind my actions
And my thinking.
It is a justification
Given to defend myself
From myself.
It is as if
I was trying to tell
My future self
To not be too hard
On myself,
On my past,
And the mistakes
I’ve accepted to take
Responsibility for
But could no longer handle.

Things changed

Her honesty was once
Full of pure and polite letters
Piling up to cross a radiation
Of happiness, creating
A smile on everyone’s face.
She did not need to pretend
Or fake being nice.
She was already nice.
Now, she remains honest
But only a third of the letters
That make up the words she says
Only a third.. Is good.
The rest of the time, she smiles
Or is silent till the end.

That butterfly feeling?

I can only define the butterfly sensation as the overthinking of my heart because I did feel it when i was not thinking about a guy I liked. I felt it when I was writing a poem about honesty and about me feeling nothing. So when your heart is stressed and confused, that is when your stomach reacts.