For a while, I lived in the dark.
He came, and I only knew how to threw punches to the air.
He came and wrapped me with his love,
His smile was enough to light up my way.
He extended his own light to open up a path for me.
Just as it started to become so bright,
I look behind me to convey my gratitude,
To see him sit there, drained, bruised, with half a smile.
His smile was enough to light up my way, but I realise
Why he couldn’t use that anymore; why he had to use another source of light.
In the dark, I couldn’t see where I was punching.
In the dark, I thought it was only air.
And he was the air that I was breathing- Oh.
I look into our past conversations,
And I feel like suffocating.
I wish I knew before, that the worst enemy
You can ever encounter
Is yourself. Your mind. Your eyes.
You play tricks on yourself.
And others get blamed for your blindness or your own manipulation to yourself.
And everyone suffers.
You tell yourself a story to justify your rage,
Your hurt, your feelings of betrayal,
When barely anything of that story is true.
The facts have been twisted for your own liking.
I look into our past conversations,
And I find my side of the story of how things went between us invalid and unclear.
Ah, the curse of a breakup’s anniversary.
The time a human will reminisce
And revisit memories that were locked up in pandora’s box, commonly known as the subconscious.
Just when snapchat’s memories feature was about to lose its sting.
A moment that can be described as a hit from the ocean’s wave,
Filled with emotions that belonged to the past.
And the state of being currently wet from the salty water,
That refreshing feeling reminds you how the good times were… fulfilling, overwriting all the bad shit that went down,
But that saltiness fuels that regret of causing so much damage to him as you tried to heal yourself within your mind’s chaos.
Then the sun kindly dries you up, and its warmth hugs you all over,
Sending rays of reassurance and hope, that it’s okay to be alright, and that he’s better now.
“Have you ever smelled regret?”
Why do sinners cry
after they have sinned?
Do they think every tear
aids them in their plead of mercy?
I say that I don’t expect anything
But that’s no true
I am expecting the worst
I am expecting this to end
That you won’t like my natural face
The one without make up
That you’ll get bored of my stories
That you’ll get tired of my laughs
That you’ll pick on my flaws
Rather than embracing them.
As confident as I am,
I am still imperfect
I like my flaws
I like my face
I like my body
I like me.
But I’m expecting that you wont
That you wont like me.. Anymore.
Why would you expect such a thing,
We can go as slow as you want
Or as quick as the wind.
I’ll be right at your pace
Right next to you to feel my warmth
Right behind you to protect you
Right in front of you to guide the way.
Set your expectations free.
Let us walk our path
At our own pace.
No rush. No trouble.
As for your flaws,
I have already embraced them.
I acknowledge their existence.
I love them as they are.
I like you as you are
Because the you now,
Likes me as who I am.
Why are you looking down?
Hey, look up.
Look at my eyes as they shine.
They shine because of the stars
The stars within you.
Smile until your eyes soften.
The future is uncertain.
It’s terrifying, I know.
But as there is a sad ending,
There is also a happy one.
Until the day our journey detours
From the happy to the sad,
Let us hold hands
Until our memories come to an end.
Let me make you smile a little longer.
Let me fill your heart with my love
Until your heart is fuelled for life.
He scarred her, yes. But what did he do to himself? He ripped his heart from his thorax and crushed it to dust. At least, that’s what it felt like after breaking her heart. That’s how he defined his Regret.