For a while, I lived in the dark.
He came, and I only knew how to threw punches to the air.
He came and wrapped me with his love,
His smile was enough to light up my way.
He extended his own light to open up a path for me.
Just as it started to become so bright,
I look behind me to convey my gratitude,
To seep him sit there, drained, bruised, with half a smile.
His smile was enough to light up my way, but I realise
Why he couldn’t use that anymore; why he had to use another source of light.
In the dark, I couldn’t see where I was punching.
In the dark, I thought it was only air.
And he was the air that I was breathing- Oh.
Ah, the curse of a breakup’s anniversary.
The time a human will reminisce
And revisit memories that were locked up in pandora’s box, commonly known as the subconscious.
Just when snapchat’s memories feature was about to lose its sting.
A moment that can be described as a hit from the ocean’s wave,
Filled with emotions that belonged to the past.
And the state of being currently wet from the salty water,
That refreshing feeling reminds you how the good times were… fulfilling, overwriting all the bad shit that went down,
But that saltiness fuels that regret of causing so much damage to him as you tried to heal yourself within your mind’s chaos.
Then the sun kindly dries you up, and its warmth hugs you all over,
Sending rays of reassurance and hope, that it’s okay to be alright, and that he’s better now.
We blame each other for our pain,
As if it is easy for us to hurt others.
As if it only takes an instant and/or complete loss of emotions.
As if it is within a human’s nature and default to break someone.
It’s not easy to cause pain.
Just as it is not easy to break a human being who is born to be resilient.
I showered with another man’s scent
I wiped my body with his bare skin
I kissed his hands to rewrite the texture that lingered on my lips
I laid beneath his defined build as he gently whispered “surrender”
I tell him my thoughts as they come,
He tells me don’t try to control it.
If I can punch him every time he misunderstood my intention,
Or every rhetorical question he’s answered,
It’ll be equal to the times he has interpreted me flawlessly.
And that’s probably why he’s special.
In case you’re all wondering like he did.
And so very sly of you,
To only have you blame me for whatever fucked up shit I put you through.
Blaming me for the way you felt good because you’re used to my whatever vibe.
I blame you too, you know.
Whenever I’m a specific kind of lost,
I look for you in between the crowd of human flesh.
You were the frame that held me together when something didn’t work out.
I got used to you making me feel safe when I felt empty and unlovable or too hard to handle.
You knew what you were doing, and don’t lie to the both of us that you were clueless.
You wanted to pick up my pieces and show me that only you could do it.
And it’s true, but the whole truth is you can only do that when I’m half lost and almost healing;
It doesn’t work when I’m too broken or have fully healed.
Now, I’m almost healing,
And all I can think about when you cross my mind is
I can’t wait to tell you how shitty it has been and how close I am to being okay.
I blame you too.
So now, we’re even.