I’m terrified of losing you, again.
Is that how you felt?
We really do take time to understand emotions and the reasons or logic behind them.
And putting yourself in others shoes will only be reasonable if they went/are going through similar situations.
I never knew why you were so selfish and greedy for more time, when five minutes was all I can offer. Five minutes was enough for me because it was five minutes more with you, and without it, it was five minutes less.
Seeing you for a second was worth the trip to your house.
I never understood why you couldn’t appreciate that.
I never understood why you had to make that sad face during the few seconds or minutes that i could spare.
I never understood why you couldn’t just muster a smile, for me. At least for me. No matter how many times i asked.
I know you loved me more than I loved you, but sometimes it felt differently with the way you were acting. Your desire to see me everyday for long hours, when i cannot deliver.
Five-six years later.
I’m in your shoes, with someone I am madly in love.
And i want to see him. Eveyday. For at least two hours. At least. Goddamn it. At Least.
And I dont want the breath of another human to fucking interrupt my thought of just admiring his fucking face.
And I hate how I’m in your shoes.
Doing the same things you did and five times worse.
Zero hour difference.
And it feels far worse than the eight hours we’ve experienced before.
Sometimes, I wish… that i go back to the eight hour difference: you’d be far away because you’re literally far away. Not that you’re here but you’re even farther than ever.
And i know he wants to sleep – he sounds like he does.
But he wants to have some sort of a conversation,
Maybe because we didnt talk much,
Or maybe he knows I’m pissed at something.
Either way, i offer a half-assed story,
Because i know he’ll only half-ass the listening.
And i don’t even get annoyed at the half-assed comments,
Because half of the focus were spent on trying not to sleep.
And now he says he wants to sleep.
And i really want to fight because Fuck You for being so predictable.
And Fuck you
Because i cant take this anymore.
And Fuck you
Because I really want to hang up,
But for once, you’re breathing once again directly near the microphone.
So fuck me for being weak.
And I wish I can untie my fate
From the lives of others.