It’s wanting him to contain me.

It ain’t love,

But it’s some sort of admiration.

It’s diving into his eyes and swimming in his view,

It’s leaving me hanging as he wanders off without me.

It’s that subconscious longing and that crippling fear of being left behind.

It’s reaching out, wanting the echoes of my voice to hit his back.

It’s the urge of my sound waves, in the shape of a shaking hand,

Grabbing onto the hem of his shirt, pulling his attention back to me.

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No one broke me, and I definitely did not break anyone.

We blame each other for our pain,

As if it is easy for us to hurt others.

As if it only takes an instant and/or complete loss of emotions.

As if it is within a human’s nature and default to break someone.

It’s not.

It’s not easy to cause pain.

Just as it is not easy to break a human being who is born to be resilient.

You spoilt me. That’s your sin.

As I was shoving info in my tired brain,

I thought I should really take a break soon.

I wanted someone to take me to a short ride,

Wake me up with caffeine,

Let me scream two or three songs,

And drive me back home to my reality.

I wanted a certain someone to take me out,

But that someone is far away.

I pray for your happiness more than I pray for mine.

Don’t ask me how I feel about you,

Because the answer is the same.

I honestly don’t know.

I know that the way I view your personality

Has changed over the years,

Which makes it confusing for me to figure out my feelings.

I don’t think I’ll ever love myself wholeheartedly,

Because if I did, I would have accepted your love.

I never think I deserve that kind of admiration.

Maybe that’s why I can only chase behind those

Who can love me less than I do.

Don’t ask me if there’s any hope,

Because the answer is still the same.

I hope you’ll find someone better

Who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.

I feel like,

I can never allow myself to be with you

Because I think too highly of you.

And I think too little of myself.

Dear me,

To the beautifully damaged,

Feel the pain.

Don’t cast it away.

Don’t deny what you’ve been through.

Welcome it all.

Accept it with an open soul.

Find peace with not enjoying that kind of happiness again.

Find peace with the sadness that comes after.

Find comfort within the mistakes you’ve said you’ll never repeat,

Find hope within the new ones.

Don’t hurt your mind with your overthinking,

Don’t hurt your soul with guilt and regret.

Don’t resort to physical pain by taking away your body’s innocence as a distraction from the heavy pain you feel in your chest.

Give yourself some time to grieve.

Be patient

Take care of yourself

And some day you’ll love yourself again.

I may slip from my own sweat, but i’ll take accountability.

Something inside of me broke

As I pushed myself beyond my limits

For a cause

that wasn’t my own

And that, my friend, is the worst way

To do yourself an injustice.

So find your own purpose,

And walk down that path,

The rest will follow.