It ain’t love,
But it’s some sort of admiration.
It’s diving into his eyes and swimming in his view,
It’s leaving me hanging as he wanders off without me.
It’s that subconscious longing and that crippling fear of being left behind.
It’s reaching out, wanting the echoes of my voice to hit his back.
It’s the urge of my sound waves, in the shape of a shaking hand,
Grabbing onto the hem of his shirt, pulling his attention back to me.
We blame each other for our pain,
As if it is easy for us to hurt others.
As if it only takes an instant and/or complete loss of emotions.
As if it is within a human’s nature and default to break someone.
It’s not easy to cause pain.
Just as it is not easy to break a human being who is born to be resilient.
As I was shoving info in my tired brain,
I thought I should really take a break soon.
I wanted someone to take me to a short ride,
Wake me up with caffeine,
Let me scream two or three songs,
And drive me back home to my reality.
I wanted a certain someone to take me out,
But that someone is far away.
Don’t ask me how I feel about you,
Because the answer is the same.
I honestly don’t know.
I know that the way I view your personality
Has changed over the years,
Which makes it confusing for me to figure out my feelings.
I don’t think I’ll ever love myself wholeheartedly,
Because if I did, I would have accepted your love.
I never think I deserve that kind of admiration.
Maybe that’s why I can only chase behind those
Who can love me less than I do.
Don’t ask me if there’s any hope,
Because the answer is still the same.
I hope you’ll find someone better
Who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I feel like,
I can never allow myself to be with you
Because I think too highly of you.
And I think too little of myself.
When you’re not ready to be aware of it,
But the truth,
When you need to acknowledge it,