They ask why is it difficult to love you,
I tell them that I do.
They ask me why can’t I make it work,
I tell them because I can never compromise with you.
They ask why continue to be selfish, and why can’t I step down for a change,
I tell them, because that is who I am with you.
They ask why do I bother looking your way, if I won’t make it work,
I tell them, because I selfishly love you my own way, even if in an unconventional way,
Even if it costs you to hate me.
Don’t ask me how I feel about you,
Because the answer is the same.
I honestly don’t know.
I know that the way I view your personality
Has changed over the years,
Which makes it confusing for me to figure out my feelings.
I don’t think I’ll ever love myself wholeheartedly,
Because if I did, I would have accepted your love.
I never think I deserve that kind of admiration.
Maybe that’s why I can only chase behind those
Who can love me less than I do.
Don’t ask me if there’s any hope,
Because the answer is still the same.
I hope you’ll find someone better
Who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I feel like,
I can never allow myself to be with you
Because I think too highly of you.
And I think too little of myself.
I can’t afford to take the hint
And hold your hand,
Even though I want to
Because its value to you
May be different to what it is to me.
Take me for a night drive.
We’ll take turns with the playlist.
We’ll listen in silence.
I’ll light us up a cigarette.
And we can drown in our own pollution
Of thoughts and smoke.
And dear lover,
No one is allowed to dream of You,
Your beautiful face,
Or even sense your presence
In any goddamn way.
We honor moments by remembering them,
Honors them for the both of us.
Now he’s found a way for me to honor them too.
And these words you see me write,
these words you seem to read,
are only simple descriptions
of what I truly feel.