Always give them the benefit of the doubt…

I look into our past conversations,

And I feel like suffocating.

I wish I knew before, that the worst enemy

You can ever encounter

Is yourself. Your mind. Your eyes.

You play tricks on yourself.

And others get blamed for your blindness or your own manipulation to yourself.

And everyone suffers.

You tell yourself a story to justify your rage,

Your hurt, your feelings of betrayal,

When barely anything of that story is true.

The facts have been twisted for your own liking.

I look into our past conversations,

And I find my side of the story of how things went between us invalid and unclear.

Are you afraid?

You’re right, 

Life is short

The future is uncertain. 

You know exactly what you want now.

We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant. 

And I’m scared. 

I’m scared things wont happen.

Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties. 

Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in. 

Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.

Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.

Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.

Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence. 

Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step. 
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait. 

And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.

I can barely battle distance right now.

I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me. 

And I am terrified. 

I am worried.

All I want is for everything to go as we want them, 

Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble. 

And I just want to remind you, 

My sweet Demon;

I have always loved you. 

And I will always love you 

in this life, 

the afterlife,

and in all the known 

and unknown dimensions.

The future is uncertain

I say that I don’t expect anything
But that’s no true
I am expecting the worst
I am expecting this to end
That you won’t like my natural face
The one without make up
That you’ll get bored of my stories
That you’ll get tired of my laughs
That you’ll pick on my flaws
Rather than embracing them.
As confident as I am,
I am still imperfect
I like my flaws
I like my face
I like my body
I like me.
But I’m expecting that you wont
That you wont like me.. Anymore.

Why would you expect such a thing,
My dear?
We can go as slow as you want
Or as quick as the wind.
I’ll be right at your pace
Right next to you to feel my warmth
Right behind you to protect you
Right in front of you to guide the way.
Set your expectations free.
Let us walk our path
At our own pace.
No rush. No trouble.
As for your flaws,
I have already embraced them.
I acknowledge their existence.
I love them as they are.
I like you as you are
Because the you now,
Likes me as who I am.
Why are you looking down?
Hey, look up.
Look at my eyes as they shine.
They shine because of the stars
The stars within you.
Yes. Smile.
Smile until your eyes soften.
The future is uncertain.
It’s terrifying, I know.
But as there is a sad ending,
There is also a happy one.
Until the day our journey detours
From the happy to the sad,
Let us hold hands
Until our memories come to an end.
Let me make you smile a little longer.
Let me fill your heart with my love
Until your heart is fuelled for life.