Don’t tell me what’s on your mind.

Take me for a night drive.

We’ll take turns with the playlist.

We’ll listen in silence.

I’ll light us up a cigarette.

And we can drown in our own pollution

Of thoughts and smoke.

Are you afraid?

You’re right, 

Life is short

The future is uncertain. 

You know exactly what you want now.

We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant. 

And I’m scared. 

I’m scared things wont happen.

Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties. 

Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in. 

Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.

Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.

Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.

Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence. 

Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step. 
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait. 

And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.

I can barely battle distance right now.

I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me. 

And I am terrified. 

I am worried.

All I want is for everything to go as we want them, 

Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble. 

And I just want to remind you, 

My sweet Demon;

I have always loved you. 

And I will always love you 

in this life, 

the afterlife,

and in all the known 

and unknown dimensions.

Thoughts from the balcony.

If I jump from this balcony,

It won’t hurt? Would it?

If I jump from the fourth floor,

I’d just get a couple of broken things,

Broken limbs, neck injury, spinal cord injury,

Paralysis?

Paralysis.

Paralysed limbs.

I hope it extends to my heart.

Paralyse my heart too.

Make it stop beating,

Pumping,

Feeling,

Hurting,

Bleeding – apparently I bleed emotions, not blood. 

Injury to my nerves – facial nerve – 

Maybe I’d learn to have a poker face,

To cover for the painful expressions I’m trying to hide.

Jumping wouldn’t be so bad now, would it?

You’re already miles away,

You wouldn’t know until it’s too late,

And then, even your love won’t cure the broken body I will possess.

it couldn’t even cure the broken heart you left behind.

I never knew a broken heart can be broken even more.

They were shattered pieces of glass before you came along,

With you, they’re nothing but ash now.

Just one last favour, if you may.

Do not scatter me in the wind, or in the ocean.

Keep me in a floral vase on a safe shelf,

As one of your trophies.

If anything, you managed to win my heart.

I’ll give credit, where credit is due.

The last hour.

The anticipation. 

The urge to hear your voice

As your lips say my name.

The eagerness. 

The relief I need to feel 

To know that my clouds 

Have set you safely on the ground.

The last hour

Is even more suffocating 

Than the first two hours.

One counts the minutes,

Counts sheeps 

Backwards and forwards,

Redecorates the room,

Makes futrure plans.

Playlist is on repeat now. 

Waiting is unbearable.

If anything,

Patience is one characteristic

I’d develop with you. 

The last hour. 

Is it the last hour? 

The airplane might have flown late.

Ranting to a blank page.

Playing with words again.

Well, this time, 

Words are just rushing out.

I play with words in poetry.

And this is no poem.

It’s babbling. 

It’s the last hour. 

60 minutes 

3600 seconds

And you’ll be 5700 km away. 

8 hour distance eh?

Time and distance. 

School never taught us

That those were important.

Weight, height, solving triangles,

Force, friction, all are insignificant

Compared to time and distance. 

Less than an hour now. 

And all I can do is wait. 

Distanced soul 

Currently 5000km away,

3 hours difference,

Millions seconds in between.

My soul has been implanted,

Into a body I haven’t yet touched.

Like a misfortune orphan,

It sought comfort in his heart.

Like a parasite

With an eager relish 

I have colonised his brain.

Fragments that illustrated 

The timeline of my life

Have dissolved in his vessels,

Fuelled by his existence.

So I beg you, soul of mine,

As you seek refugee

In the body who owns

The soul living within me,

Ease the pain and downfalls,

That he may face alone,

Until I crawl my way through

This crowded rugged earth

And reunite with you

And the man who has tamed us both.