Whether you’re digging for gold or bone.

We honor moments by remembering them,

And he

Honors them for the both of us.

Now he’s found a way for me to honor them too. 

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Are you afraid?

You’re right, 

Life is short

The future is uncertain. 

You know exactly what you want now.

We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant. 

And I’m scared. 

I’m scared things wont happen.

Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties. 

Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in. 

Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.

Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.

Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.

Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence. 

Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step. 
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait. 

And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.

I can barely battle distance right now.

I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me. 

And I am terrified. 

I am worried.

All I want is for everything to go as we want them, 

Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble. 

And I just want to remind you, 

My sweet Demon;

I have always loved you. 

And I will always love you 

in this life, 

the afterlife,

and in all the known 

and unknown dimensions.

Don’t stop whispering. 

I definitely did not want you to stop.

I wanted you to whisper in my ear everything that you would have done if only we were a breath away.

And I definitely did not want to make it obvious for those sitting around me, as you drew dirty images in my mind,

But it was either that or the following Moan would have exposed both of us. 

Within a wet hole in my body.

The thought of his tongue

Within the only hole 

That matters in my body, 

And no, 

Not my vagina, 

I mean my mouth. 

The only part that can smile

To leave a positive impression, 

Or even worse, a sarcastic remark.

The part that can speak and use

The weapon of words to serve 

A good or a bad cause or

Nothing at all.

The part that can let out a sigh

That is worth a million words.

The part that, if shut, can leave 

The strongest of meanings.

The part that, with the help of another

Like His mouth and tongue, 

Can show the most passionate of affection.

I can learn to sleep alone when you cannot be on the phone. 

As I rest my head onto the pillow, 

Waiting for my friend to wrap me up and portal me to the world of my subconscious,

I acknowledge the silence that strangle the walls surrounding me. 

But as I listen carefully, 

I become aware of a rhythmic sound of air;

I didn’t realise my breathing can be so loud when accompanied by silence,

Reminding me of his exhales at night.

And a thought crosses my mind;

If I am the reflection he sees in the mirror, 

Then our breathing can be the same.

If I am his, and he is mine, 

Then the air I breathe is his own. 

Which means,

I don’t need to hear him breathing in order for me to relax and sleep,

All I need

Is 

To listen to myself 

Inhale

Exhale

As if he was on the phone.