There was beauty in our damage…

We were fucked up

And in love.

But we wouldn’t have remained fucked up forever.

And love felt the same way.

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I miss the feeling of being in love.

What I once found fulfilling

And had me melt like

Our cheesy comments,

Now feels so foreign and strange.

Do emotions just blind us completely?

Not in a way where everything seems dark

And you cannot see.

But in a way where there’s too much light

And you look the other way

Or end up closing your eyes.

As if these intense emotions are there

To amplify and hype up anything

That could be good into beautiful .

And once that light dims,

Your eyes adjust and start to see clearer.

And what once took your breath away,

Now, is extraordinarily ordinary.

Are you afraid?

You’re right, 

Life is short

The future is uncertain. 

You know exactly what you want now.

We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant. 

And I’m scared. 

I’m scared things wont happen.

Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties. 

Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in. 

Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.

Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.

Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.

Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence. 

Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step. 
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait. 

And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.

I can barely battle distance right now.

I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me. 

And I am terrified. 

I am worried.

All I want is for everything to go as we want them, 

Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble. 

And I just want to remind you, 

My sweet Demon;

I have always loved you. 

And I will always love you 

in this life, 

the afterlife,

and in all the known 

and unknown dimensions.