Shadows of your sins do not appear in the dark.

For a while, I lived in the dark.

He came, and I only knew how to threw punches to the air.

He came and wrapped me with his love,

His smile was enough to light up my way.

He extended his own light to open up a path for me.

Just as it started to become so bright,

I look behind me to convey my gratitude,

To seep him sit there, drained, bruised, with half a smile.

His smile was enough to light up my way, but I realise

Why he couldn’t use that anymore; why he had to use another source of light.

In the dark, I couldn’t see where I was punching.

In the dark, I thought it was only air.

And he was the air that I was breathing- Oh.

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Always give them the benefit of the doubt…

I look into our past conversations,

And I feel like suffocating.

I wish I knew before, that the worst enemy

You can ever encounter

Is yourself. Your mind. Your eyes.

You play tricks on yourself.

And others get blamed for your blindness or your own manipulation to yourself.

And everyone suffers.

You tell yourself a story to justify your rage,

Your hurt, your feelings of betrayal,

When barely anything of that story is true.

The facts has been twisted for your own liking.

I look into our past conversations,

And I find my side of the story of how things went between us invalid and unclear.

Stop whispering

Ah Demon,

Leave my desires alone.

Let them run wild, without being touched

Without being thought of

Without calling out to them.

Don’t name them.

Don’t give then any identity

Just let them go and play around in my mind

With no red strings attached

To you.

Just keep me unaware of what they are,

Maybe I won’t long for you

For a change.

May I?

May I continue to be confused about you from afar?

May I want you thinking you don’t want me anymore?

May we continue pretending that everything we went through didn’t affect Us even though it did?

May you look at me with those kind eyes, that make me think for a second you might still long for me?

May I be that selfish person again around you, because I miss being spoilt by you?

May you ignore me and my selfish desires and be rid of confusion.

Still unending.

I realize,

The more I talk about him with an unregrettable way,

The more I heal from the inside,

The better I breathe oxygen, rather than breathing sadness.

The memories, feel like highlighted parts of my dusted books.

All that is left, is for me to reach the last page,

And it’s been five years, and I still can’t make myself read the end of this story.