She understands the feelings of her students, because she does not expect greatness from them. She can never understand the feelings of her own daughters, because she will always want perfection.
If you demand to be heard,
Then perhaps you should listen first.
He does not comprehend
How hearing the sound that his vocal cords emit
As his lips give way for one phrase to escape over and over again
Has stopped me many times from picking up a needless fight.
A year and a half ago,
They said everything will be alright.
It’s been a year and a half already,
And I’m anything but alright.
A stroke on the back
And a pat on the head
And a sentence full of lies; Everything will be okay,
Along with the last word “Eventually”,
Not telling you what the definition of “Eventually” is,
Or how long it takes for “Eventually” to come.
Or are “Eventually” and I not meant to meet.
So I learnt not to say that lie, which I thought was the truth,
I learnt not to say it to anyone.
It gives off a false hope.
Too much hope.
Hope that not everyone can handle,
Not for a pessimist like me.
Now let’s re-live the situation;
Where I tell you everything that has been bothering me,
Where I tell you I hate living because I’ve lost the will to live.
Then let’s skip the part where you judge me for being so negative,
Where you attempt to understand me and actually try to tell me that you do,
But maybe you refrain from stating another lie.
Then let’s skip the part where you decide that you could make Life seem so magical,
That there’s so much more in Life, and that I need to commit to it so it can show me how Grand reality can be if I give it another “Real” chance.
Let’s get to the part where you state your last words,
Will you still tell me
that Everything’s gonna be alright?
Every time they come knocking on my door,
I kick them out,
They come barging in like its their territory,
and I drag them out like garbage bags.
They enter and trespass, and I’m the one who’s charged for ignorance.
The judge sides with them, and I know Life is the name of that judge.
Death befriends me, knowing we’ll be companions soon.
I’m given a deal to admit that whoever’s pressing charges exists,
in return I’ll live peacefully and they’ll let me go.
They’ll be like germs. Everywhere.
I throw the deal at their despicable faces,
and they beat me up till I bleed. Pain.
They want to inflict pain.
Pain is what I’m made of, idiots.
You threaten me, but I won’t budge.
I won’t welcome the emotions that I won’t admit.
I’d rather live in a cell alone than confirm that they exist.
I sit here
Taking a puff or two
Thinking about today
And how it could be true.
The sins I have ignored
The ones that have weighed
Me down so forcibly
Are no longer being flayed.
They’ve been brushed away
By a force stronger than my own
Words powerful enough
To lift my heart onto his throne.
Watching him purify
The stains, that have drenched
A heart into an icy stone,
And magically I have been quenched.
Where has he been lurking?
Why was his path so hidden?
Was my search that inefficient?
Or did fate thought I’ll burden him?
But he’s here now,
And I’m clinging like I’m afraid
That this reality is but a dream
After my emotions have been swayed.
I fear the end of this road
Before I could touch his soul
Or feel his breath against my neck
Or the way we could lose control.
And so I’ll spend the night
After you give in to the darkness
Listening to songs and writing poems
Of how you can knock me senseless
So I’ll sit here
Taking a puff or two
Thinking about today and tomorrow
And how this all could be true.
And what we had was a dishonest relationship.
One where my eyes would express lack of interest,
One where I’d glimpse his smile and ache deeply,
Because it was intended not for me, but for another weakly.
One where I would talk about anything but us
To avoid saying any truth that can force our memory to rust
One that tempts me to warm myself against him
And expect goosebumps to spread on his skin.
One where he’d speak of the XX’s so openly
And I’d listen with an indifferent act..Silently
A dishonest relationship that I have selfishly accepted,
To fulfil a wish that has not yet been granted
A dishonest relationship that was created in my mind
Hence the name, as there is nothing real that you will find.
A dishonest relationship where he is not present,
Where I haven’t yet revealed my feelings that still ascend.
A dishonest relationship still exists
Until this man can call me “his”.