Are you afraid?

You’re right, 

Life is short

The future is uncertain. 

You know exactly what you want now.

We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant. 

And I’m scared. 

I’m scared things wont happen.

Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties. 

Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in. 

Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.

Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.

Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.

Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence. 

Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step. 
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait. 

And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.

I can barely battle distance right now.

I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me. 

And I am terrified. 

I am worried.

All I want is for everything to go as we want them, 

Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble. 

And I just want to remind you, 

My sweet Demon;

I have always loved you. 

And I will always love you 

in this life, 

the afterlife,

and in all the known 

and unknown dimensions.

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Don’t stop whispering. 

I definitely did not want you to stop.

I wanted you to whisper in my ear everything that you would have done if only we were a breath away.

And I definitely did not want to make it obvious for those sitting around me, as you drew dirty images in my mind,

But it was either that or the following Moan would have exposed both of us. 

Sometimes I need to show some gratitude to Love and Experiences. 

She would look into the direction of his neighborhood, as she drove past it, feeling 

Sad. Or at least that “ah, yeah that one from that time”… and rather than feeling indifferent, being sad for a bit was the better option. I think.

I don’t know. It was some kind of internal theatrical conflict to give the years she was with him a bit of value, out of respect for Love.

Daydreaming as he sleeps so loudly

He doesn’t know that I call him an hour early before I actually want to dose off. An hour gives me time to be accompanied by his deep even exhales as he continues his sleep that I have interrupted again

I would usually ask myself why he even puts up with my selfish requests; calling every night just because I can’t act like an independent adult anymore after realising that his presence, even when I’m asleep, makes a goddamn difference. But then I remember the answer, which lies within his love that he has constantly showed me and proved to me in the past months. 

And now I listen to his grumbly sudden snores, and all I can think of is why am I not in his living room right now so I can jump on him and colonise his handsome face with mini kisses until he wakes up and pulls me to him to give me a tight hug because he wants me to stop bugging his face and also to give him some time to wake up mentally so he can roll me over to the bottom as he situates himself on top of me… and why the hell did this piece go off to a different tangent?