Shadows of your sins do not appear in the dark.

For a while, I lived in the dark.

He came, and I only knew how to threw punches to the air.

He came and wrapped me with his love,

His smile was enough to light up my way.

He extended his own light to open up a path for me.

Just as it started to become so bright,

I look behind me to convey my gratitude,

To see him sit there, drained, bruised, with half a smile.

His smile was enough to light up my way, but I realise

Why he couldn’t use that anymore; why he had to use another source of light.

In the dark, I couldn’t see where I was punching.

In the dark, I thought it was only air.

And he was the air that I was breathing- Oh.

Always give them the benefit of the doubt…

I look into our past conversations,

And I feel like suffocating.

I wish I knew before, that the worst enemy

You can ever encounter

Is yourself. Your mind. Your eyes.

You play tricks on yourself.

And others get blamed for your blindness or your own manipulation to yourself.

And everyone suffers.

You tell yourself a story to justify your rage,

Your hurt, your feelings of betrayal,

When barely anything of that story is true.

The facts have been twisted for your own liking.

I look into our past conversations,

And I find my side of the story of how things went between us invalid and unclear.

Stop whispering

Ah Demon,

Leave my desires alone.

Let them run wild, without being touched

Without being thought of

Without calling out to them.

Don’t name them.

Don’t give then any identity

Just let them go and play around in my mind

With no red strings attached

To you.

Just keep me unaware of what they are,

Maybe I won’t long for you

For a change.

Can i hug you one last time, and say goodbye ..

Please retire

From my dreams.

Please don’t come back anymore.

Every time I hear your voice

And feel your presence.

I break once again.

And I barely picked up my pieces from last time.

Still unending.

I realize,

The more I talk about him with an unregrettable way,

The more I heal from the inside,

The better I breathe oxygen, rather than breathing sadness.

The memories, feel like highlighted parts of my dusted books.

All that is left, is for me to reach the last page,

And it’s been five years, and I still can’t make myself read the end of this story.

Skin.

It’s hard to let go,

When i can still feel the pressure of your touch

Even in my dreams.

Dodged a storm surge, and only faced a cold wave.

Ah, the curse of a breakup’s anniversary.

The time a human will reminisce

And revisit memories that were locked up in pandora’s box, commonly known as the subconscious.

Just when snapchat’s memories feature was about to lose its sting.

A moment that can be described as a hit from the ocean’s wave,

Filled with emotions that belonged to the past.

And the state of being currently wet from the salty water,

That refreshing feeling reminds you how the good times were… fulfilling, overwriting all the bad shit that went down,

But that saltiness fuels that regret of causing so much damage to him as you tried to heal yourself within your mind’s chaos.

Then the sun kindly dries you up, and its warmth hugs you all over,

Sending rays of reassurance and hope, that it’s okay to be alright, and that he’s better now.

No one broke me, and I definitely did not break anyone.

We blame each other for our pain,

As if it is easy for us to hurt others.

As if it only takes an instant and/or complete loss of emotions.

As if it is within a human’s nature and default to break someone.

It’s not.

It’s not easy to cause pain.

Just as it is not easy to break a human being who is born to be resilient.

Lighter ~

The rain cleansed our hearts

From the heaviness of this world.

It polished the sky from the gloominess,

From the sadness it held.

It paved a way for a fresher beginning,

Leaving those, who weren’t meant to be, behind.

To the voice that loved him madly.

It gets better

After you pass the first big dates without him.

The feelings rush through your nerves,

Viewing flashbacks of all the happy moments

And even the mental breakdowns you had.

Reminding you why it worked for a while,

And why you both had to leave.

So,

It’s okay.

You’ve passed the heavenly end of summer,

You’ve passed the day you approached him again,

You’ll pass the anniversary,

You’ll pass his birthday,

You’ll pass that intense Christmas.

You’ll pass the re-writes of all New years.

You’ll pass it all without him, and it’s okay.