As I was shoving info in my tired brain,
I thought I should really take a break soon.
I wanted someone to take me to a short ride,
Wake me up with caffeine,
Let me scream two or three songs,
And drive me back home to my reality.
I wanted a certain someone to take me out,
But that someone is far away.
To the biggest sin of my life,
I have betrayed the promise you begged me to make.
But finally, I don’t feel like fighting my feelings anymore.
And I’m tired of giving him up to someone else.
So, before I place your book on the upper shelf,
I’ll say one more last goodbye,
And thank you for the pain and love I’ve received
Take me for a night drive.
We’ll take turns with the playlist.
We’ll listen in silence.
I’ll light us up a cigarette.
And we can drown in our own pollution
Of thoughts and smoke.
I showered with another man’s scent
I wiped my body with his bare skin
I kissed his hands to rewrite the texture that lingered on my lips
I laid beneath his defined build as he gently whispered “surrender”
Images of that sinful night
slide between my thoughts,
and I push it away with sudden screams,
as if those screams could erase that memory.
Why do sinners cry
after they have sinned?
Do they think every tear
aids them in their plead of mercy?