So please don’t allow it, even if figuratively. I beg you.

And dear lover,
No one is allowed to dream of You,

Your beautiful face,

Or even sense your presence 

In any goddamn way.


Are you afraid?

You’re right, 

Life is short

The future is uncertain. 

You know exactly what you want now.

We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant. 

And I’m scared. 

I’m scared things wont happen.

Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties. 

Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in. 

Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.

Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.

Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.

Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence. 

Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step. 
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait. 

And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.

I can barely battle distance right now.

I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me. 

And I am terrified. 

I am worried.

All I want is for everything to go as we want them, 

Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble. 

And I just want to remind you, 

My sweet Demon;

I have always loved you. 

And I will always love you 

in this life, 

the afterlife,

and in all the known 

and unknown dimensions.

Create the memories if Life fails to present them to you

And if I ever get to sleep next to the man I love,
I’ll sleep for the first 30 seconds of each minute
And wake up at the last 30 seconds
During his sleeping hours
And sometimes when he’s awake,
So I can say I’ve slept and woken up too many times
And he was still there
As beautiful as the minute before.

“…looking at the stars always makes me dream.”

I confess I do not know why, but looking at the stars always makes me dream.” – Vincent Van Gogh.

I know why, Vincent.

The stars are faraway.

Shining in the distance.

Some shine brighter than others.

Some shine before others.

Some shine all through the night.

Some fade mid-way.

Some guide humans into the right path.

Overall, they all exist. Stars exist.

You can’t always see them,

but you eventually do.

You might lose sight off them when it’s too dark.

It might be too cold, too windy, too cloudy for you to look up and gaze at the illuminating sky.

it might be time for the sun to awaken and fulfil its duty.

But you eventually meet the stars,

even if they are miles away.

Dreams are like that.

I look at the stars and I dream too, Vincent.

Because dreams are like stars.

I’d like to think that no matter how much distance I have left to reach my dreams, they still exist, just like the stars.

Sometimes it becomes all blurry and dark and I lose motivation,

but the next day, week, or month I can still get up and fight.

I can still look up at my stars and dream.

I can still gaze into my bright existing future, Vincent.

This is why, Vincent.

This is my why.

Drift compatible.

We do not need 

A neuro device

Electrodes and wires

To merge

Our two individual 

Minds, hearts, and bodies

To one entity.

We already existed as one;

We existed as halves

That fit congruently.

While he makes up the right side

I make up all the left side.

And for those of you 

Who have passed biology

Would understand that 

The left side cannot function

Without the right part of the brain

And vice versa.

We are compatible.

Virtually, realistically, physically,

Mentally, and emotionally compatible.

But we needed some kind of drift

An impulse to drive the blood

From his ventricle to mine,

A build up of events

A build up of flooding emotions

A collision of hopelessness,

That would revive our dying souls,

That would activate our compatibility.

But I have never seen him.

I would need a mirror to do so.

The world that we live in 

Do not approve of mirrors.

Even glass that gives off reflections

Is banned.

Just when my self 

Has truly become complete,

Life is determined 

To drag us both to the filthy ground.

But he knows

How much I love the sky

And he refuses to be pushed down,

So he raises our chin up

And starts working from scratch

To build a city of our preference 

To build a city full of mirrors,

Where we can finally 

See each other

Be together

And light that black flame

And color it red, orange and gold.