She moved like I once did,
He pleased her insides as you’ve done
so many times before…
She said his name and I repeated yours,
I repeated it until I came and burst
Into sweat, tears, and ..
It all poured out;
Seven months worth of frustration.
it could almost pierce my heart
right then and there,
fast-forward the love part, the drama, and the heartbreak,
shoot into the ending and crush my heart.
Acid squeezed on the superficial injuries
And the pain is felt deep within
As if a strained muscle
Or the spread of a heartburn to your eyes,
Shedding from agony.
Obesity; full of unspoken words.
Conditions of a surrendering soul.
Giving in to desperation.
Prognosis yet undefined.
Altitudes of rocky mountains
plunged on my shoulders,
tearing up my muscles,
rupturing my vessels,
slowly drawing my soul out.
That’s what the world’s burdens feel like.
What about the world?
Carrying all those creatures and their filth.
Tolerating being stepped on, shitted on.
Enduring with the pollution, be it chemical or mental.
Accepting all the change that has happened to it’s ground and sky.
Living all alone,
playing the bad guy
and taking the blame
of not just one being, me,
but also the seven billion beings still breathing,
and don’t forget the billions of people who lived before our time.
Witnessing the history built by the creatures
who blame it for their incompetence.
I wonder what kind of weight it carries.
I wonder. I wonder if I wonder is spelt correctly or not.
I diagnose myself with deafness –
and blindness in some days,
when my eyes are swollen
and all I can distinguish are the light and dark.
But deafness is permanent.
I can’t hear myself think logically.
Even the annoying voices have become so faint.
I can’t hear the scream that escapes me
when I lay down in bed,
or the prayers I constantly repeat in desperation.
I can’t even hear the silence,
only a persistent buzz;
a broken radio with no signal.
Could be a chronic infection in my ear,
secondary to my insane state of mind,
cured if only my sanity is treated.
I took the last chain of smokes for tonight
as I sat in the cold,
hoping the chilly night would freeze my heart,
freeze my emotions for a second,
but all it did was numb my hands and face.
I placed my ear plugs,
replaying the songs that best described my misery
at maximum volume,
silencing the sound of the wind,
the sound of passing cars
the thoughts that still rebelled against its host,
and the shriek that exploded from my trembling mouth.
The tears followed, but my face was already numb,
so I didn’t feel it running down like Niagara falls
Today’s cigarettes have already burnt my throat,
I couldn’t feel the cry that screeched itself out.
I only felt the aching tightness that blazed in my chest.
And between the first song and the next, a pause –
I heard it.
The suffocating sobs that I have tried to bolt inside this fragile self of mine.
I hid under my coat,
waiting for the wind to blow me away.
A faceless man.
A nameless woman.
They both met, one windy night.
She drew on his face,
Eyes, nose, mouth, bit of facial hair.
He called her Angel with the lips she made.
Love was their last name,
And Life was the name of their newborn.