Deaf

I diagnose myself with deafness –

and blindness in some days,

when my eyes are swollen

and all I can distinguish are the light and dark.

But deafness is permanent.

I can’t hear myself think logically.

Even the annoying voices have become so faint.

I can’t hear the scream that escapes me

when I lay down in bed,

or the prayers I constantly repeat in desperation.

I can’t even hear the silence,

only a persistent buzz;

a broken radio with no signal.

Could be a chronic infection in my ear,

secondary to my insane state of mind,

cured if only my sanity is treated.

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One of the voices in my head.

I called out for you, you know.

Over and over again.

I was on repeat like a broken tape.

I was right in front of you.

Begging for you to hear me.

Shaking you, punching you,

And you did not even flinch.

I gave out a shriek

Like a crazy person claiming sanity.

I fell to your feet,

Squirming like a mouse.

Why aren’t you answering me?

Answer me.

I am a version of you after all.

So listen to me.

Even if you are pressured 

With all the other voices,

Listen to me.

I deserve to be heard too.