A moment of weakness; A moment of wanting you back.

Please take it back,

Take it all away,

Tell me we have never been,

And we can never be.

Don’t take me apart

For someone else to figure out.

Love yourself more

And just kick me out of your sight

Allow me to hate the idea of you and I,

As I’m confused why there is no fucking us.

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In the shower. 

In the shower,

Rushing water distorting my thoughts.

Then a burning fire 

Flames up in my chest, 

Spreading upwards to my head,

Fixating around my eyes.

A sharp sudden gasp escapes;

And the scene before me becomes

…Hazy. 

Water coming from the showerhead 

Or is it from me? 

I could not tell. 

I try to wash the tears away

But the more time passes 

The more the agony intensifies 

And I just want this affliction 

To desert me 

The way love did. 

And by the time my body 

Starts to calm down

And my eyes finally opens

I find myself laying on the floor

And I begin to wander 

If I was just dreaming…

In the bathroom?

There is no clear explanation.

But I refuse to believe that 

The burdens I usually carry 

Are following me even 

At my rest point;

Physically weighing me down. 

Reflection – I want to taste the bitter sweet pain.

And so I decided to feel.

I adjusted the spotlight of my emotions,

a small peak into the light,

but the pain it holds still feels like I’m in the dark.

And then I smiled ever so softly.

I felt again.

It was a relief.

I am not as cold hearted as I think I am.

I don’t need to bleed to feel the pain.

The pain of losing someone you love to… life.

and not fighting for them to stay.

I understood the facts, the logic.

I had already seen through these events.

But there were two things I got wrong.

The timing of the separation.

And

The extent of how much I would care.

Disappointed, I am.

Not at the one I lost.

But at me.

I have better control than this.

I know I do.

But I guess I can’t control what I “don’t want” to control.

Potential needs will as an accomplice.

And I want to taste the bitter sweet pain

He left behind.

What I see in the mirror these days.

Her eyes crimson as

the vessels coursing through my shell.

Her complexion pale

as a body drained of its soul.

Her hands cold as

my heart during winter, summer, spring and fall.

Her smile empty as

the void that was left; just a deep dark hole.

Her back stiff as

the expressions I now hold.

Her name “Ar-Gee”

the same as my initials.

Son (2)

Son.

Your mother needs you right now.

She needs to stroke your hair,

Hold your face,

Wraps you within her embrace,

Hear you call her name,

See you smile and act all silly.

She just needs you, son.

She needs you so she can love again.

She needs to feel that kind of affection

She wants to understand love, son.

Unconditional kind of love.

She needs to feel warm again.

She needs to feel.

Please. Son. 

Find your mother.

She is waiting for your call.