Still hurts

I had a little accident yesterday, well

Four actually,

Not that I needed to go to the toilet, 

More like my eyes needed to take a leak,

My lips vibrated while a horrible sound 

Came out from between them. 

On my chest, there are marks from

Where my nails dug in as I tried to 

Clutch onto my heart that felt like

It was crushing my soul to 

A sudden state of numbness. 

Silence is but a temporary escape.

I took the last chain of smokes for tonight

as I sat in the cold,

hoping the chilly night would freeze my heart,

freeze my emotions for a second,

but all it did was numb my hands and face.

I placed my ear plugs,

replaying the songs that best described my misery

at maximum volume,

silencing the sound of the wind,

the sound of passing cars

the thoughts that still rebelled against its host,

and the shriek that exploded from my trembling mouth.

The tears followed, but my face was already numb,

so I didn’t feel it running down like Niagara falls

Today’s cigarettes have already burnt my throat,

I couldn’t feel the cry that screeched itself out.

I only felt the aching tightness that blazed in my chest.

And between the first song and the next, a pause –

I heard it.

The suffocating sobs that I have tried to bolt inside this fragile self of mine.

I’m traumatised.

I hid under my coat,

waiting for the wind to blow me away.