I took the last chain of smokes for tonight
as I sat in the cold,
hoping the chilly night would freeze my heart,
freeze my emotions for a second,
but all it did was numb my hands and face.
I placed my ear plugs,
replaying the songs that best described my misery
at maximum volume,
silencing the sound of the wind,
the sound of passing cars
the thoughts that still rebelled against its host,
and the shriek that exploded from my trembling mouth.
The tears followed, but my face was already numb,
so I didn’t feel it running down like Niagara falls
Today’s cigarettes have already burnt my throat,
I couldn’t feel the cry that screeched itself out.
I only felt the aching tightness that blazed in my chest.
And between the first song and the next, a pause –
I heard it.
The suffocating sobs that I have tried to bolt inside this fragile self of mine.
I hid under my coat,
waiting for the wind to blow me away.