Don’t tell me what’s on your mind.

Take me for a night drive.

We’ll take turns with the playlist.

We’ll listen in silence.

I’ll light us up a cigarette.

And we can drown in our own pollution

Of thoughts and smoke.

“Hello darkness my old friend..” Hello depression. Hello stress.

I thought visiting their graves was enough,

Exchanging thoughts and breathing the same air, for a while.

Then leaving for a more hopeful destination.

But my visits have been more frequent recently,

I thought I’d stop coming a long time ago.

And this weekend, I found an invitation as clear as daylight.

I should have never showed up.

But here I am.

Facing them, drawn to them, again.

Feeding on my weak heart.

Telling me to dig them up from the ground.

Promising me what I couldn’t achieve yet, alone.

Promising me again, that I needed them.

And I’m tempted to give in.

But the last time I did that, it didn’t turn out well.

And the recovery was painful.

So I stand there, silently crying,

Waiting,

Searching for the strength within me

To pull me away from that cemetery

To get over the dead.

To make peace with my living self.

I stand there trembling.

Afraid to let go.

Afraid to be alone.

Share your analysis. 

Talk me through the expressions you have witnessed throughout the days or nights we met, 

Analyse me the way I do to the world. 

Tell me about the finest twitches or lines that appear on my face or even body. 

Describe the way my body shakes when I’m being consumed with doubt 

And the voices in my head start to colonise me again.

Tell me what roamed in your head when you saw me panic for the first time. 

Disclose all the poems that are invisibly tattoed on my body,

Reveal the stories you can read from my eyes, my lips and the rest of the flesh that make up this face.

Until I finish my cigarette. 

I inhale the nicotine

And nourish the voices

That have found shelter 

In my head.

Lightheadedness 

Is a side effect

And so they doze off

For their regular naps,

Leaving me alone

With a temporary silence.

Just before they wake up

I take another puff

And like cough syrup

They drop dead asleep.

I am in a stress-free zone,

Until I finish my cigarette.

But after that 3 minute break,

I face reality once again. 

One of the voices in my head.

I called out for you, you know.

Over and over again.

I was on repeat like a broken tape.

I was right in front of you.

Begging for you to hear me.

Shaking you, punching you,

And you did not even flinch.

I gave out a shriek

Like a crazy person claiming sanity.

I fell to your feet,

Squirming like a mouse.

Why aren’t you answering me?

Answer me.

I am a version of you after all.

So listen to me.

Even if you are pressured 

With all the other voices,

Listen to me.

I deserve to be heard too.