Something inside of me broke
As I pushed myself beyond my limits
For a cause
that wasn’t my own
And that, my friend, is the worst way
To do yourself an injustice.
So find your own purpose,
And walk down that path,
The rest will follow.
Life is short
The future is uncertain.
You know exactly what you want now.
We want things to happen the way we want them, but we cant.
And I’m scared.
I’m scared things wont happen.
Because an approval wasnt granted from both parties.
Because the government stalls or finds a hole to bury our dream in.
Because we’re not good enough according to our mamas.
Because of fucking high standards that we dont even give a shit about.
Because my life is shorter than we’d expected.
Because someone loses patience.. and -I’d rather not even finish this sentence.
Because what “we were meant to be” actually referred to was anything but that step.
But.. I don’t have a better solution than to wait.
And I cannot go through another battle that is harsher than the situation we’re already in.
I can barely battle distance right now.
I dont have the mental strength to battle family, us, hope, and the chance for that dream to shatter so slowly in front of me.
And I am terrified.
I am worried.
All I want is for everything to go as we want them,
Before it’s too much for you that it all becomes not worth the trouble.
And I just want to remind you,
My sweet Demon;
I have always loved you.
And I will always love you
in this life,
and in all the known
and unknown dimensions.
I wish I came from a society that encouraged us to explore the world the way that we want to.
To make mistakes and challenge ourself how to overcome them.
To meet strangers and learn what it means to be betrayed or to be hopeful that there is still good in the world.
To construct our own philosophy of life and its values.
A bit more freedom.
Rather than having these forced concepts placed upon us.
Giving birth to beings who are dependent on their family,
Like they’re on a cursed leash.
I wish and I complain and I still rant.
But I still love where I come from,
Even if I constantly damn them for almost everything.
I am a contradictor,