May or may not be a glitch.

That’s why.

That’s why it’s difficult to pull away from your strings.

It isn’t simple love or too much of it

Or that I got used to the idea of you.

Something within me acknowledges the weight of your actions,

When I lacked expectations and hope,

And your efforts inspired me to believe in something greater than my circumstances..

A moment of weakness; A moment of wanting you back.

Please take it back,

Take it all away,

Tell me we have never been,

And we can never be.

Don’t take me apart

For someone else to figure out.

Love yourself more

And just kick me out of your sight

Allow me to hate the idea of you and I,

As I’m confused why there is no fucking us.

You go up the ladder, only to go down the snake.

That moment when you attempt to move on,

And you find a little ounce of happiness in something that has nothing to do with him..

And a faint voice inside you whispers back his name,

And asks you, “what about him? Did he move on?”

Then you mentally reply to yourself,

Convincing yourself that,

“He’s okay, he moved on, accept what’s happening right now, don’t look back”

But you find yourself with the phone on your ears,

Ringing,

And you’re waiting for someone to pick up…

Who am I calling?

Then you hear his voice.

And although that moment of happiness,

That moment of satisfaction was just about

to write a new chapter,

You’re back to a couple of chapters behind… revisiting those feelings,

Confused,

Doubtful,

But also relieved…

As you hear his stupid voice, that you love so much.

That you still love.

But wish you can just

Detach from.

Even a stranger could tell.

He says

He can tell,

From the tone

The breaths between each sentence,

The air connecting each word,

The clearing of the throat,

The details of certain situations –

The general descriptions of others.

You’re still in love with him

No I’m not.

Yes, you are, stop being in denial.

No. I’m not.

I was

in love with him.

Yes. I do love him.

But… I’m not in love with him.

Not anymore.

So do not deny me the chance of moving on.

What went wrong?

We “functioned by pain”

And we both were getting high on that.

It was convenient…

No it wasn’t.

I was just dealt the right card at the right time.

The strength you had and the strength you gave me

Can only be in and be given by you.

And I should have been aware of all of this from the beginning,

But I can’t always be right,

And whenever I was right, it was because I’ve learnt this before…

I think,

The thing that put me off

Or the thing that delayed my full understanding is

My sudden extreme sense of hope.

I’ve never hoped about something the way I did towards anything related to you or us.

And it was either hope or complete awareness of our situation.

Now.. with realizing how incompatible we really are,

How we both can never be the pillar that can help the other to stand tall and confident,

How we can cause so much misery under the umbrella of I love you’s,

After I’ve become aware that this love story can never be repeated

With you (again) or anyone else.

The hope I had that our story has not yet ended cease to exist.

The hope that I could find someone that could make me feel the way you did is no longer alive.

I’ve buried it, said my prayers, and now I grieve,

With a satisfied heart still beating and moving on…

I miss the feeling of being in love.

What I once found fulfilling

And had me melt like

Our cheesy comments,

Now feels so foreign and strange.

Do emotions just blind us completely?

Not in a way where everything seems dark

And you cannot see.

But in a way where there’s too much light

And you look the other way

Or end up closing your eyes.

As if these intense emotions are there

To amplify and hype up anything

That could be good into beautiful .

And once that light dims,

Your eyes adjust and start to see clearer.

And what once took your breath away,

Now, is extraordinarily ordinary.