It ain’t love,
But it’s some sort of admiration.
It’s diving into his eyes and swimming in his view,
It’s leaving me hanging as he wanders off without me.
It’s that subconscious longing and that crippling fear of being left behind.
It’s reaching out, wanting the echoes of my voice to hit his back.
It’s the urge of my sound waves, in the shape of a shaking hand,
Grabbing onto the hem of his shirt, pulling his attention back to me.
We blame each other for our pain,
As if it is easy for us to hurt others.
As if it only takes an instant and/or complete loss of emotions.
As if it is within a human’s nature and default to break someone.
It’s not easy to cause pain.
Just as it is not easy to break a human being who is born to be resilient.
The rain cleansed our hearts
From the heaviness of this world.
It polished the sky from the gloominess,
From the sadness it held.
It paved a way for a fresher beginning,
Leaving those, who weren’t meant to be, behind.
It gets better
After you pass the first big dates without him.
The feelings rush through your nerves,
Viewing flashbacks of all the happy moments
And even the mental breakdowns you had.
Reminding you why it worked for a while,
And why you both had to leave.
You’ve passed the heavenly end of summer,
You’ve passed the day you approached him again,
You’ll pass the anniversary,
You’ll pass his birthday,
You’ll pass that intense Christmas.
You’ll pass the re-writes of all New years.
You’ll pass it all without him, and it’s okay.
One stage of getting over someone you loved is when you start convincing yourself how it wasn’t love and that it was just an illusion.
That stage of denial and the shoving away of memories into boxes and hiding them under a pile of mess.
Whether it’s a right or wrong method, it helps sometimes, and it’s helping at the moment.
I feel like..
You’re moving out of my heart..
And for a moment,
I thought I could move out too..
But thankfully, I didn’t.
As I was shoving info in my tired brain,
I thought I should really take a break soon.
I wanted someone to take me to a short ride,
Wake me up with caffeine,
Let me scream two or three songs,
And drive me back home to my reality.
I wanted a certain someone to take me out,
But that someone is far away.
To the biggest sin of my life,
I have betrayed the promise you begged me to make.
But finally, I don’t feel like fighting my feelings anymore.
And I’m tired of giving him up to someone else.
So, before I place your book on the upper shelf,
I’ll say one more last goodbye,
And thank you for the pain and love I’ve received
The red string is thickening, and fate
Is cheering him on.
Did I request a refund?
Did you send the package at your own discretion?
Did I come by knocking on your doors, asking you to give it back?
I cannot recall how it happened
But when I stripped down to my bones,
I found a muscle beneath my ribs,
In its rightful place.