Under the starry night,
As the whispering winds
Play around the swaying waves,
I sit here,
Lighting up pieces of wood,
To create the perfect scenery
That best describes his heart.
Bright as the stars
Light as the air
Calm as the sea
Warm as fire.
A long time ago
Before writing notes
In our phones
Became the norm
Over jotting things
On pieces of paper
I used to manually write
In specific notebooks
Or random papers
That I’d stick into
I used to write
The date and time
And exactly how i felt
And what happened.
No matter how silly
Or how inappropriate
No matter how many times
I repeated that story
I did not write because
My emotions were
I had a problem
With my memory.
I tend to forget
And I come across
As ungrateful or indifferent.
So I wrote.
To remind myself how
I once felt
At a certain period
Of my life.
It is a reminder
Of how much I’ve changed.
How my priorities,
It reminds me
Why I did what I did
That these were the emotions
Behind my actions
And my thinking.
It is a justification
Given to defend myself
It is as if
I was trying to tell
My future self
To not be too hard
On my past,
And the mistakes
I’ve accepted to take
But could no longer handle.
He is like a bottle that is easy to open,
Easy to talk to, approachable, even under the scorching sun.
My inner self flowed easily with no awkwardness,
Flowed like water or beads of a broken necklace.
I spoke my mind with no filter, no second thoughts,
And waited patiently for what the new conversation brought,
As it revealed another trait for me to admire,
Or a common interest, or a common desire.
But do not misunderstand and leap to conclusions,
I am not being one of those girls who hope with false delusions,
Thinking about a relationship and a happy ending.
I’d rather live in the moment and openly share all that is trending.
At this point I am trying too hard to rhyme,
And match every word of this poem with it’s given time.
Returning back to the topic and the focus of this writing,
To the heart of my soul that has been igniting,
Since the time he defended me and claimed my perfection,
And found his personality walking along mine in a parallel direction.
As short as this moment may last,
I’ll cherish every millisecond until it slowly pasts ~
I have always had an eye for Lions. Always seen myself resemble a Lion, with all it’s mighty and glory. And for my love for dragons, I saw it was fit for my fantasy of my Lion-self to tame a dragon. When I roamed the Earth to protect it from evil, my Dragon could be my wings or my “tsubusa” to protect the sky from any harm. The following piece describes one of my imaginary scenes.
Whenever it’s time for sunset, the Leo of this world would be flown into the sky by his magnificent Tsubusa.
As the Dragon spreads his flames to color the blue skies orange and red, the mighty Lion roars to warn its fellow ones that it is time for darkness to fold..
His admiration has scattered like gas particles within the air,
As she took slow and considerate breaths,
They filled her every air space they could take over,
Expanding them, as if small bulbs were being lit,
Glowing her lungs, purifying her breaths.
Every inspiration was made with satisfaction
And every expiration ended with pure relief.
Breathe, my darling, breathe in the life you have owned,
Since the day I have loved you
Since the day you have held my hand
And found your passion spreading through my nerves,
Changing my perspective of the world,
As it centred around you, me, and our destiny.
Just when I told myself
That I won’t fall again,
Just when my smile has become
Involuntary and empty,
Just when I’ve accepted
The darkness to cover me,
Just when I got sucked
Within a void that I’ve built,
Just when I have lowered
All my expectations,
Just when love and admiration
Had no value
And what we had was a dishonest relationship.
One where my eyes would express lack of interest,
One where I’d glimpse his smile and ache deeply,
Because it was intended not for me, but for another weakly.
One where I would talk about anything but us
To avoid saying any truth that can force our memory to rust
One that tempts me to warm myself against him
And expect goosebumps to spread on his skin.
One where he’d speak of the XX’s so openly
And I’d listen with an indifferent act..Silently
A dishonest relationship that I have selfishly accepted,
To fulfil a wish that has not yet been granted
A dishonest relationship that was created in my mind
Hence the name, as there is nothing real that you will find.
A dishonest relationship where he is not present,
Where I haven’t yet revealed my feelings that still ascend.
A dishonest relationship still exists
Until this man can call me “his”.