Same battle, just a different day.

A year and a half ago,

They said everything will be alright.

It’s been a year and a half already,

And I’m anything but alright.

A stroke on the back

And a pat on the head

And a sentence full of lies; Everything will be okay,

Along with the last word “Eventually”,

Not telling you what the definition of “Eventually” is,

Or how long it takes for “Eventually” to come.

Or are “Eventually” and I not meant to meet.

So I learnt not to say that lie, which I thought was the truth,

I learnt not to say it to anyone.

It gives off a false hope.

Too much hope.

Hope that not everyone can handle,

including me,

Not for a pessimist like me.

Now let’s re-live the situation;

Where I tell you everything that has been bothering me,

Where I tell you I hate living because I’ve lost the will to live.

Then let’s skip the part where you judge me for being so negative,

Where you attemptĀ to understand me and actually try to tell me that you do,

But maybe you refrain from stating another lie.

Then let’s skip the part where you decide that you could make Life seem so magical,

That there’s so much more in Life, and that I need to commit to it so it can show me how Grand reality can be if I give it another “Real” chance.

Let’s get to the part where you state your last words,

Will you still tell me

that Everything’s gonna be alright?

Dishonest Relationship

And what we had was a dishonest relationship.
One where my eyes would express lack of interest,
One where I’d glimpse his smile and ache deeply,
Because it was intended not for me, but for another weakly.
One where I would talk about anything but us
To avoid saying any truth that can force our memory to rust
One that tempts me to warm myself against him
And expect goosebumps to spread on his skin.
One where he’d speak of the XX’s so openly
And I’d listen with an indifferent act..Silently
A dishonest relationship that I have selfishly accepted,
To fulfil a wish that has not yet been granted
A dishonest relationship that was created in my mind
Hence the name, as there is nothing real that you will find.
A dishonest relationship where he is not present,
Where I haven’t yet revealed my feelings that still ascend.

A dishonest relationship still exists
Until this man can call me “his”.

Things changed

Her honesty was once
Full of pure and polite letters
Piling up to cross a radiation
Of happiness, creating
A smile on everyone’s face.
She did not need to pretend
Or fake being nice.
She was already nice.
Now, she remains honest
But only a third of the letters
That make up the words she says
Only a third.. Is good.
The rest of the time, she smiles
Or is silent till the end.