Satisfied with Pain

Why is it easier to live
When i see you suffocate?
Observing your pale skin
And nerves nicely thickening..
You try to breath
And I.. I stand there
Inhaling.. Aggressively.
Watching your eyes widen
With horror.
For a while,
I have been
Satisfied with pain. With your pain.

The answer
To the original question,
Is that..
You’ve never showed me
But weakness.
You have made it easier to endure.
It’s not that I enjoy seeing you suffer, like they judged
But you’ve implemented it
Within me
As a bad habit.