A moment of weakness; A moment of wanting you back.

Please take it back,

Take it all away,

Tell me we have never been,

And we can never be.

Don’t take me apart

For someone else to figure out.

Love yourself more

And just kick me out of your sight

Allow me to hate the idea of you and I,

As I’m confused why there is no fucking us.

“Hello darkness my old friend..” Hello depression. Hello stress.

I thought visiting their graves was enough,

Exchanging thoughts and breathing the same air, for a while.

Then leaving for a more hopeful destination.

But my visits have been more frequent recently,

I thought I’d stop coming a long time ago.

And this weekend, I found an invitation as clear as daylight.

I should have never showed up.

But here I am.

Facing them, drawn to them, again.

Feeding on my weak heart.

Telling me to dig them up from the ground.

Promising me what I couldn’t achieve yet, alone.

Promising me again, that I needed them.

And I’m tempted to give in.

But the last time I did that, it didn’t turn out well.

And the recovery was painful.

So I stand there, silently crying,

Waiting,

Searching for the strength within me

To pull me away from that cemetery

To get over the dead.

To make peace with my living self.

I stand there trembling.

Afraid to let go.

Afraid to be alone.

Flowers; People

She hated flowers.

There were too many types, colors, shapes to comprehend.

Too many names.

Too many meanings; some hold multiple interpretations.

They eventually die too,

even if you take care of them, cherish them.. they wilt and wither.

But even when they die, they look beautiful;

Dark, defined feature.

She hated flowers.

People and flowers are alike.

The lie is the truth.

A smack…

on the face. 

The realisation

of an existing love

that you should have abandoned.

The realisation is like

A smack…

on the face.

You bury your face under your hood,

trying to escape that information;

It’s not true.

You don’t love him anymore. That’s the truth.

That’s the truth.

The kind of truth that tenses your jaw muscles.

The kind of truth that forces you to remind yourself every morning.

The kind of truth that leaves you hanging.

The kind of truth that smacks you with a lie.

The lie that you still love him.

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

Stop.

So what?

So what if the lie is the ultimate truth?

So what?

You can’t do anything about it.

But you can tell yourself a different truth,

and live on,

until the lie becomes the ultimate lie.

That’s what you can do.

Right?

Knock

I heard a knock on the door
At 3 in the bloody morning.
I looked through the hole,
He was right there standing.

Eyes swollen and red.
I could have sworn I saw a tear running.
His shirt so soaked and wet,
Probably from the rain that was pouring.

Then that tear was just a raindrop,
His eyes – he could’ve been high again.
I told him never to smoke and to stop,
He also told me he won’t cause any pain.

He’s knocking again now, gently and slow,
I can feel the desperation in his fists,
Trying to lift them as he deliver his blow,
I can see him saying something now, but all i can hear is a hiss.

Was he stuttering on the letter ‘ess’?
Or maybe he was just freezing cold?
I did hear it would be 0 degrees or a minus,
Either way, he’s not mine to take care off and to hold.

Another knock,
Another escaping word.
Should I unlock?
Or pretend that I haven’t heard?

I’m leaving, I’m giving my back to the door,
Two extra bangs and I freeze,
But it was too sudden that I fall on the floor.
I can hear his voice now, like a howling breeze.

Why is he here? What is he doing here?
I told him I don’t want to see him,
I told him to go away, to disappear,
And to let me hate him and to condemn.

When once I was fuelled with his love
I have found more passion in hatred.
Our fate that was held between the stars above,
Have faded away in despair and drifted.

So I’ll stay here on the ground,
I’ll remain untouched and unemotional,
Until you stand there scratching on your wounds,
Making them bleed like you’ve bled my mind and soul.

I’ll stay here on the ground,
I’ll remain as I turn my heart into stone,
Until I hear you choke like you’ve drowned,
Just as you’ve left me without air, all alone.

I’ll stay here, until you leave.
So please for fucks sake leave.
Because now it’s getting harder to breathe,
As I hear you cry and grieve.

Leave and find another heart to torment,
While I stay here on this lonely ground,
And time passes from the present,
And I finally start asking “when will my heart once again be found?”

Leave.. And take me away

I’ve created a castle of my own
Walls so high
So smooth, that no one can climb
Walls that regenerate
Whenever it breaks down
I’ve darkened my territory
I’ve shunned the sun from my land
I’ve vanished people to another world
I’ve kept my soul from feeling
From understanding.
Why is there light now?
Is that the sun?
The stars glowing too bright tonight?
No. The walls.
Why have they roughened?
Beings will be able to climb now.
Don’t climb. Please dont.
He flew? You can’t fly.
You can’t enter.
Why are the doors open?
Close this instance.
Don’t come near. That’s an order.
Leave.
Listen to me.
Don’t listen to me.
Don’t leave.
Stay here.
Open the windows.
Let the breeze feel our presence.
Let the world know that we exist.
We?
I can’t handle his.
Don’t handle me.
You’re scaring me.
Bring back my darkness.
Please.
Don’t shine in here.
Stop holding me.
Stop warming me.
I can get used to this.
So leave. Leave while I can forget.
Leave… And take me away.

Friends – Taking sides

I should have known that.
Should’ve known better
Than to leave her behind
Leaving her alone
To face.. My friends?
She was/is my friend too.
But she was silent.
She didn’t defend herself.
I guess she felt she didn’t need to
She felt right.
She shouldn’t need to
To justify something
She didn’t do.
Even if she did,
It’s not my business.
It was theirs.
They were both my friends.
Why did i need to take sides?