I’m already screaming someone else’s name.
We “functioned by pain”
And we both were getting high on that.
It was convenient…
No it wasn’t.
I was just dealt the right card at the right time.
The strength you had and the strength you gave me
Can only be in and be given by you.
And I should have been aware of all of this from the beginning,
But I can’t always be right,
And whenever I was right, it was because I’ve learnt this before…
The thing that put me off
Or the thing that delayed my full understanding is
My sudden extreme sense of hope.
I’ve never hoped about something the way I did towards anything related to you or us.
And it was either hope or complete awareness of our situation.
Now.. with realizing how incompatible we really are,
How we both can never be the pillar that can help the other to stand tall and confident,
How we can cause so much misery under the umbrella of I love you’s,
After I’ve become aware that this love story can never be repeated
With you (again) or anyone else.
The hope I had that our story has not yet ended cease to exist.
The hope that I could find someone that could make me feel the way you did is no longer alive.
I’ve buried it, said my prayers, and now I grieve,
With a satisfied heart still beating and moving on…
We were fucked up
And in love.
But we wouldn’t have remained fucked up forever.
And love felt the same way.
What I once found fulfilling
And had me melt like
Our cheesy comments,
Now feels so foreign and strange.
Do emotions just blind us completely?
Not in a way where everything seems dark
And you cannot see.
But in a way where there’s too much light
And you look the other way
Or end up closing your eyes.
As if these intense emotions are there
To amplify and hype up anything
That could be good into beautiful .
And once that light dims,
Your eyes adjust and start to see clearer.
And what once took your breath away,
Now, is extraordinarily ordinary.
She would look into the direction of his neighborhood, as she drove past it, feeling
Sad. Or at least that “ah, yeah that one from that time”… and rather than feeling indifferent, being sad for a bit was the better option. I think.
I don’t know. It was some kind of internal theatrical conflict to give the years she was with him a bit of value, out of respect for Love.
He does not comprehend
How hearing the sound that his vocal cords emit
As his lips give way for one phrase to escape over and over again
Has stopped me many times from picking up a needless fight.
The shadows whisper
and my voices persist
But all I can think of is
when was the last time
I heard him
say my name.