Son (5)

It’s been a while.

   I’m sorry. 

It hurts, you know. And I can’t do shit about it. 

To be frank, sometimes I can’t even be bothered to do shit. Because caring hurts. Caring makes me so insecure. And insecurity wounds my pride. 

I cry almost every night. And all I wish is to be sucked in a void of nothingness until his time and location are aligned perfectly with mine.

Ah, son. I’m almost tempted not to bring you to this world. I don’t feel like bringing you to this world at all. Why would I? It’ll cause you so much pain, you’d think the outcome is worth it. And guess what, it is. It’s totally worth it. But the pain, my dear boy, I no longer want you to experience it. Why make you stronger and resilient and blablablaaaaaa, when I can prevent all that and not give birth to you. 

Don’t worry, mama will help you, I’ll save you. Mama won’t let anything bad happen to you. Just stay in my heart and mind. And everything will be okay.

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