“If it’s the stress, just think of me and you’ll be alright”, he said.
For the first time, I wanted to scream out how factual that statement is.
Finally, we’ve come to an agreement.
If it’s true, why didn’t I think of him
when my body was rebelling against me
shouting at me to slow down with the studying?
A double-edged sword,
that statement is.
Thinking of you would’ve eventually reminded me
of how much I truly miss you.
That would have heightened my stress.
And I told you that.
Then you felt good.
But I didn’t tell you that so you can feel good,
I told you because it is the truth.
And I don’t know what’s going on,
why am I reliving a past that I have ended myself
causing you pain and insecurity.
But for whatever reason,
You’ve been on my mind lately,
And it feels like I’m cheating on another part of myself.
Too many versions in my head, too many voices,
but the voice who’s loving you right now,
who has been dormant for a long time,
is now awake,
and, God help me for saying this, it needs you.